Avengers Text's
by LostHawk
Summary: A series of Texts within the Avengers. Characters may seem OOC. Rated T for Language.
1. Clint & Tony - Barbie Bows

**A/N – So I have been reading a few of these 'avengers texts' things recently and I decided to write my own **** , please Review. **

**Also , I know the characters may seem a bit OOC.**

**Disclaimer - No I sadly do not own the avengers. (However I would love to…) **

**Conversation between – Clint & Tony.**

Clint – Tony… Where is my bow… and the arrows for it…

Tony – Sorry Legolas but I have no Idea what you're on about….

Clint – TONY! Where. Are. They!

Tony – Like I just said. I have no idea what you're going on about…

Clint – If you won't tell me then I will just have to ask JARVIS.

Tony – Fine as him. JARVIS doesn't know either…

*a few minutes later*

Clint – TONY WHY THE FUCK ARE MY BOW AND ARROWS PAITNED BRIGHT PINK WITH BLOODY BARBIE STICKERS ON THEM!

Tony – Ok… so it turns out JARVIS did know where they were… But it wasn't me…

Clint – Tony, I know it was you ask there was a bloody card saying 'To Legolas From Tony' stuck to it….

Tony – Shit…

Clint – Yeah, watch your back Stark!

Tony – Uhhh…umm... BYE!

**I know, this one was not very good. But this is my first attempt at anything like this and my first story written for the avengers. Constructive Crit. Is welcome **


	2. Bruce & Thor - Nyan cat

**Disclaimer – Still don't own the Avengers…**

**Again Characters may seem OOC.**

**Conversation between – Bruce & Thor**

Thor – DR BANNER. I HAVE DISCOVERED THE MOST WODNERFUL THING ON THE INTERNET. THAT STARK SHOWED ME HOW TO WORK.

Bruce – What is it?

Thor - IT IS A WONDERFUL POP TART CAT FLYING THROUGH SPACE WITH RAINBOWS COMING OUT OF ITS REAR END.

Bruce – I swear this tower is filled with children….

Thor – AND IT IS SINGING " NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN" OVER AND OVER AGAIN. MY FAVOURITE FOOD AND NOW IT SINGS!

Bruce – Thor...

Thor – I MUST SHARE THIS DELIGHTFUL SONG WITH THE REST OF THE AVENEGRS. I SHALL ASK JARVIS TO SHOW IT ALL OVER THE TOWER.

Bruce – THOR! Stop. Texting. In. Captitals. And don't you dare stream that throught out the tower…

Thor – I MUST 'TEXT' IN CAPITALS , I AM A GOD AM I NOT. AND JARVIS AGREED!

Bruce – nbsnjbteaoijgbrjdfjksdoieuie kc

Thor – BANNER? DID YOU JUST TRANSFORM INTO THE HULK?

Bruce – SHUT. UP. YOU. NOT. SO. PUNY. GOD!

Thor – I SHALL ASSUME THAT AS A YES.

**Please review **** I decided since thro likes pop tarts , I might as well use Nyan cat (the pop tart cat) in one of the chapters. Oh and….**

**Disclaimer – I don't own Nyan Cat either….**


	3. Avengers - Lawfully Wedded Husbands

**A/N – Im really enjoying writing these haha , a lot of these are inspired by things I read on the internet or what has happened to me in real life and I have altered those events to be avengerfied.**

**Disclaimer- Still don't own avengers.**

**Conversation between – Clint , Natasha & Tony , and Appearances from the team.**

Clint – Any of you two remember anything that happened last night?

Natasha – Don't remind me of last night Clint…

Tony – Do you two mind? I am TRYING to sleep here with one of the WORST hangovers I have ever had!

Clint – Well in that case tony. Hi.

Tony – Fuck you Barton. Fuck you….

Natasha – Tony , why are you replying if you don't want to talk to him? Idiot.

Tony – Cause my phone is going off by my ear so I might as well join in if you two wont allow me to sleep.

Clint – GUYS! What happened last night?

Bruce – You and tony may have gotten 'married'

Clint , Tony – WHAT!

Steve – You read that message. You two got married too each other.

Clint – Um… One question , WHY DIDN'T YOU LOT STOP US!

Tony – I second what Katniss said.

Clint – Don't call me katniss , im a far better archer than her!

Natasha - Clint. Shut up about how your better than Katniss.

Clint – But-

Natasha – SHUT UP CLINT!

Clint – Fine… but WHY ARE ME AND TONY BLOODY MARRIED!?

Thor – I BELIEVE YOU , THE MAN WITH THE EYES OF A HAWK , AND MR STARK , WERE AS YOU MIDGARDIANS PUT IT 'WASTED' AND YOU AND MR STARK DECIDED TO GET MARRIED TOGETHER WHILE 'WASTED'.

Natasha – Im sorry but… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bruce – Yep… your right there Natasha.

Tony – WHY DID NONE OF YOU LOT STOP US!

Natasha – We found it too funny watching you two take your vows etc and we were also drunk , Except for steve and thor because you know , serum and god….

Clint – Fuck sakes…. Tony…

Tony – Clint…

Clint – Tony , I would like a DIVORCE!

Tony – BUT HONEY I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD END LIKE THIS I THOUGHT ONE OF US WOULD BE KILLED BY A ROBOT FIRST! *does dramatic sigh*

Clint – Yeah… Slightly drunk still…

Pepper – Believe it or not , this is normal for him….

Clint – well…. Im going to try sleep this off and sort it out later…

Natasha – Bye lover boy ;)

Tony – IM WALKING ON SUN SHINE WOOOOOO

Pepper – Ok… maybe you are still drunk.

**I have no idea what bought this idea to me…. But review? **


	4. Loki & Thor Feat Odin - Sons and barbie

**A/N – OMG I AM SO SORRY GUYS! Im sorry for not updating. I haven't update because… um…. Ok you got me. I have no excuse. I just haven't had any ideas. This one was inspired by a picture on facebook… you have been warned…**

**Also Before we begin , please PLEASE PM me any requests that you have for this story , just say what you want to see and ill do that chapter for you **

**Conversation between – Loki + Thor. Feat. Odin!**

Thor – Loki…

Loki – Yes god of thunder that im not sure even comes from his hammer.

Thor – LOKI! That better have just been a mere jest!

Loki – Yeah… whatever. What did you want Thor?

Thor – Why is there… a…. um…. Wolf…. In your chambers.

Loki – Fenrir? What is he doing in there…..

Thor – Fenrir? Who is 'he'? , there is a mindless beast in your chambers , do you wish for me to engage in combat with this foul beast?

Loki – YOU HURT MY SON I WILL USE MY MAGIC AND TURN YOUR LOCKS PINK AND MAKE MJONIR PLAY 'Im a Barbie girl' EVERY TIME YOU TRY USE IT!

Thor – SON! LOKI! YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE A FATHER!

Loki – Im amazed you didn't realise…. Blame Odin Thor.

Odin – Loki. DO not tell your Brother to blame me for you having children. It was entirely your decision.

Thor – Were brothers Loki! I would have though you would have told me about this.

Loki – BROTHERS! We are not brothers! I remember you throwing me into an abyss!

Odin – Loki. Don't start that again.

Thor – How… how did you even get pregnant loki….

Loki – Blame Odin…. He made me a girl made me want kids.…. Met a giant called Angerboda and well….. stuff went from there…

Thor – You mean to say , this beast is yours?!

Loki – I think we just went over that Thor… Oh my Odin…. That puny mortal wasn't lying when he told me you are an oaf….

Thor – Who said I was an OAF!

Loki – Barton. When he was under my power. Told me about new mexico and how you got your as he said it 'arse handed to him'.

Thor – I thought me and Friend Barton were friends….

Loki – He was possessed….

Thor – But….

Odin – Boys…. Get back to what you were talking about…. Dinner Is ready soon.

Loki – If you see a serpant around that is most likely Jormungand.

Thor – ….. Let me guess. That 8 legged horse father rides in your son too?

Loki – Yes that's Sleipner.

Thor – Im an uncle….. of animals…

Loki – Ill tell you there birthdays if you want?

Thor – I SHALL NOT BE BUYING SOME FOUL BEASTS SOME PRESENTS FOR A BIRTHDAY!

Loki – TAKE THAT BACK! THEY ARE NOT FOUL BEASTS THEY ARE MY SONS!

Thor – THEY ARE FOUL BEASTS WHO DESERVE TO BE FOUGHT TO THE DEATH!

Loki – YOU TOUCH MY SONS I WILL MAKE YOUR HAIR PINK AND CHARM MJONIR! IM COMING TO TO ASSURE MY SON HE IS SAFE FROM YOU OAFFISH CLUTCHES! IM COMING FENRIR!

10 minuites later. After Loki found Thor and Fenrir fighting….

Thor – LOKI! Un charm my hair and Mjonir. I can not stand this colour nor this song.

Loki – I do what I want.

**Ok… SO that was a long chapter… I know its REALLY bad I have no ideas and I know I dragged on in this one… Please give me ideas! PM me some and ill do them! (if I like them and can write them)**

**Also Review please. More reviews = me writing! = faster updates! Everyone wins.**

**Also please vote on the poll on my page. I'm going to write a proper Story fanfic not a comedy thing like this but don't know what to write **


	5. Everyone - Relationships and Domestics

**A/N – So another chapter. This chapter was inspired by Iron man 3. And I made up some of what happened so yeah. If it seems weird, that's my imagination going weird hehe.**

**Oh and thanks for the favs reviews and follows guys!**

**pacifica25 – Yep loki has kids. Fenrir (the wolf) Sleipner (8 legged horse) and Jormungand (the serpant)**

**And to all those who have asked (it's a few actually) I am British. So that is why somethings I say are either britsh terms or what I got from American friends haha.**

**A~A~A~A~A~A~A~A~A~A**

**Text between – Everyone. Literally. Everyone.**

**Clint – So Tony. Dating a fiery lady eh? ;)**

**Tony – What? Look just cause pep is ginger.**

**Pepper – STRAWBERRY BLONDE!**

**Natasha – Less red head then me.**

**Tony – Your hair is literally red. **

**Clint – Stop trying to change the topic tony.**

**Steve – Clint. Give him some privacy.**

**Clint – We all know you want to know too Steve so don't try cover up….**

**Tony – Clint what do you mean am I dating a fiery lady. Last time I checked you were dating a literal red head.**

**Natasha – Cheers Clint for bringing me to this….**

**Clint – How did I bring you into this? Tony said your name…**

**Natasha – You bought the topic of fiery ladies up in general!**

**Tony – If you two could save your domestic for after shields bed times for you two…. **

**Clint – Stark….. none of us at shield have set bed times… its go sleep or be tired…. **

**Natasha – You'd know all about that wont you Clint….**

**Tony – GETTING FUNKY IN BED EH BARTON!**

**Clint – NO!**

**Tony – Suuuuureeee…..**

**Bruce – How did this go from pepper to Clint and Natasha?**

**Steve – Tony Leave them alone. If they want to fondue its there choice. No matter how much I don't approve….**

**Fury – Why did I choose these lot for the Avengers…. Tony didn't even Qualify. Why did I ever get Coulson to recruit Clint. And why Barton did you have to Bring Romanoff in… I swear you two are just trouble.**

**Tony – Cause you love us fury.**

**Clint – Were only in it because you made us. Literally made us…**

**Natasha – What Clint said.**

**Clint – So Tony you and pepper eh?**

**Tony – Yes me and pepper are going out.**

**Clint – Nat you owe me 10 bucks.**

**Natasha – проваливай глупый урод цирк**

**Clint – OI! I am not that anymore! And everyone loved me…**

**Coulson – Not now you two…. I swear this argument happens at least each month…**

**Tony – So who else is going out with some one?**

**Thor – I AM WITH LADY JANE MAN OF IRON!**

**Tony – That's lovely Thor. What about you Steve?**

**Steve – No one… I did like Peggy but…. Then the crash…**

**Coulson – Oh Steve don't get sad. If you need company now ill be there.**

**Tony - *cough* lovers.**

**Bruce – Tony…..**

**Tony – BRUCIE! So you and Betty?**

**Bruce – Before the green rage monster yes.**

**Tony – SO Clint and Natasha , me and Pepper , Thor and Jane , Bruce and Betty , Coulson and Steve in a fanboy or lover way we shall never know…. And Fury… Say fury… who you going out with eh?**

**Fury – My job. **

**Tony – Yeah what ever. So the council woman then that really hates Feathers?**

**Fury – eurgh…**

**Coulson – Better run Stark.**

**Loki – Thor, Odin wants you to clean the dishes. **

**Thor – LOKI! BROTHER! HOW ARE YOU TEXTING! IT IS WONDERFUL BUT HOW?**

**Loki – I am the god of mischief and lies you know. **

**A/N – Um.. so don't actually know what ive just written but I have no idea where it came from. The fiery lady bit is from the end of iron man 3 with pepper one of the fire people. (its late. I cant remember what there called.) Sorry for the horrible chapter too. And Loki just came it cause. You need some Loki love **** Again Requests are always welcome. Really. REQUEST**


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